fond of
denying
our own
atrocity

can’t believe
we
did that
plus
it’s
who fucking cares

well i do
because
i understand
the line
between
you and me and
right and wrong
and murder and
suicide
can not be
understood

in the moment

remember
how
you spoke to
me
how
i miss that
so much
more
everyday

find
comfort
in this place
you
showed me
in
the way you walked

it was perfect
and i knew it
it would last
it would close
it would end
it would be left
when
parts of you
were gone

created from mud
stayed dirty
tried
to wash it
off

did not work
did not want it to
needed more than soap

proud of the shit i
came from
proud so
here is why

kindness and your kiss

wow
i am fucking old
surprised
and you are not
still will be
enough soon

gambled and came here
with reason connected
deep rooted maybe
one of these trees

were you shocked
withdrawn from the place
you thought you knew
made you feel good
nightly

cucumbers and the green man
not much of anything else
that mattered
lap cats by the fire

said you
did not want to
leave

spoken heard nothing
fingers on the couch
touching as your body
panicked

then say goodbye
just
wanted to get drunk
and fuck people
do not
need you here
i have visitors
nowhere  now here

when you do not talk
you do not have
to say anything

you will return

sleep in the orange
room with the summer
sun
knowing so little
expecting so much
more

you will leave

you will come back and
sit
in the shadow
of the pine
inside the fire
needed
and safe

just want to dream
it could start now
anytime

she comes home
now
and then

a small cut
above
the right eye

you wouldn’t know
it
couldn’t tell

barely spoke
untrue
and consistently
elliptical

can
spit fire and
shoot
arrows with fire
spit

there were slaves
then some
people were slaves

humanity
justifies
shit becomes normal

today
and the new normal

where
slavery was abolished
replaced
abolished
almost never
abolished
just replaced

finding your master

free
like the air
nothing
here anymore
is
free
like the air

took a day off
took a week

went para sailing

took time off to learn
how
to make a napoleon
it was tasty

then went back to work
now
at work

where nothing
is
nothing

so the next time
you are
on vacation
think of me

lying by the
type writer

working

on making
all of this
better

so do that

should the writer be afraid of words.the fire people afraid of water,the junk bond dealer afraid of money.
does the electrician fear for life around electricity.
do pilots wave at flying objects,does the coroner smoke or drink.does the farmer grow pot,does the doctor drink green tea.what does the preacher say to jesus.
meeting buddha under the tree.
did you pay to go to college,did you study music.said you would pay good money to be an adult.all the while,the earth is turning,day is night,dreams of sleeping.just to dream.time to come and go.andy without 15 minutes or art.
you were fishing battery park.why?must not have known about the fish,going home to eat them.
should the mechanic be afraid of motors, the golfer fear the club or ball.who makes the gasoline.
the chef is working arby’s,the simpsons moved in down the street.it is nice here,they pick up the garbage
everyday.
should the astronomer fear space or the arms dealer.
just put sugar on everything.
there is a window.

care giver.when i was a care giver,i gave care.as a care giver,you spend time with someone who is sick and likely passing.it is helpless,it is madness.
words become useless.time became useless.work was a holiday,when you would drive me.
slowly,you would no longer drive.
by the time you knew it was over.
and today i wonder.
lucky enough to be here,to be a care giver.we find what we need and seldom it is what we want.all there in a frozen moment.the days were filled with air and hope.what you would find useless,less to less.gone,replaced by a different kind of air.
hope you do not go thru the same shit that you went thru here.that somehow,the design is different.intelligent.that we understand health and healing.does your soul need soothing.
a guilt free bakery,a hospital that works.a worry free new year,however functioning equality.
the same shit is still here.the same useless words,their mixed up meaning.
here you would be a baby.