for the time spent
in that restaurant in
south jersey

so stressed under
the fiction of the
moment

we were more than
that we were
trying anyway

trying   for a life
filled with meaning

untouched by happiness
rewards obscured by reason
and doubt

and i learned

learned that
i could believe
in
you

as you are
walking i
can see
you
from here

open the
door
comb the
cat
pretending that
all
must be well

it isn’t and
it is and
it isn’t and
it is

miss you much
at night
miss you
during the day

as i feign

it’s really gotten
stupid here

my sadness
takes over
runs like a
sloth

runs towards
extinction

the space ship
crashed
in my
garden

next to
the
peppers

a door opened
peering
out
a set
of
microscopic
blue eyes

quickly a
worm
arrived
ate
blue eyes
as a
bird
waited
on the
scare crow’s
shoulder

the radio
that
you took
with you
to
your grave

you play it
often
i hear it
as i
kneel
on the
ground

by your side

it is dark
now
time for
me to
go
inside
and see

you

the bubble
burst
right
before my
eyes

vanished
what was
once so
vibrant and
healthy
vanished

a stupid
magic
trick

and
almost
terrified
by
what would
happen

far from
being
over
eases
into
tomorrow

refuse
to
be miserable
refuse
to walk
around like
some fucking
zombie. fact
is, we want
everything
just
not
quite like
you

the
world
we
do not know

god will not
tell
us

so
maybe
you
will

til
one day
when
we
marry